This month I had the pleasure of interviewing an up and coming actress living in Los Angeles. Cassidy shares about her transition to LA, what it’s like living there day to day, and even provides advice for other millennials who are a little too afraid to follow their truest intention. The full interview with Cassidy can be found on the podcast.
Receiving feedback is never very easy, particularly when that feedback is negative. In fact, your initial reaction when it comes to receiving criticism is likely going to be defensive. Even when you know the feedback you are getting is entirely accurate, it can sometimes be difficult to accept it graciously and move on.
Learning how to rewire your reactions when it comes to receiving negative feedback is essential in learning how to use that feedback to your advantage. The first step to growing as a person is to learn where it is that you can improve. No one is perfect, and therefore nobody expects you to be.
1. Pick Your Audience
You are never going to satisfy or suit everyone. Focus your efforts on the people you actually want to please. If it’s a product or idea you are selling or pitching – who is your intended consumer? Design your content for them. If it’s a work project for a specific client – design your presentation towards what they want.
Sometimes in life it is important to recognize that your opinion or idea isn’t always going to best deliver your message. Listen to the feedback you are receiving and re-work your message to suit your audience’s needs. You need to know who you are trying to talk to, work for, satisfy, and so on. Deliver your message in a way the intended audience will understand while still staying true to your own intentions. You can still be yourself and please others too provided you use their feedback to determine how best you can satisfy their needs.
2. Learn to Listen and Evaluate
Negative feedback: it’s uncomfortable, it can be hurtful, and it can really do a number on your self-esteem. While in these times it may seem easy enough to just nod along and tune whatever the other party is saying; you need to remember that the opportunity to receive feedback, even if it is negative, is an important one!
You never want to send out the signal that you are
- Not open for feedback in the future.
- Entirely “uncoachable” all together.
Take in the feedback you have been given, and rather than react to it; I encourage you to process. Take the time to really pick it apart (not in an obsessive way) in order to determine the validity of the feedback.
- Was it something you already knew about yourself or your project?
- Have you received similar feedback in the past?
- How credible is the person giving you this feedback? (Maybe their opinion doesn’t really matter anyway).
Only by listening and really evaluating what the individual is trying to tell you can you really begin to process the response, and apply the necessary or recommended changes into your life.
3. Take a Hard Look In The Mirror
Mindfulness is integral to this process; knowing your behaviours, and recognizing where you can improve, and feedback is the perfect opportunity for you to reflect on just how mindful you are really being.
It is easy to blame other factors, people, and situations for why our work was received poorly, but that reaction is not helpful nor constructive in the long run. You are in control of your own life. Own it.
- Where can you be better?
- What can you do better?
Accept, but don’t dwell on what isn’t working and keep moving towards being better and doing better next time. Criticism can hurt, and that is okay. Remember, the difficult times in which we struggle are often the times that provide the most successes.
Embrace resistance, embrace feedback, and work on moving forward as a better self.
Self-love, what is it? You see it preached everywhere on the internet –
LOVE YOURSELF – EMBRACE YOUR FLAWS – BE THE REAL YOU
A seemingly nice concept to think about, but for some not so easy to achieve in practice. As someone who has never really struggled with this, I would like to share a single piece of advice that has always resonated with me and made self-love easy:
At the end of the day it is your CHOICE to accept yourself as you are. You are gifted one life, that’s it – why waste it in self-loathing when you could instead CHOOSE to enjoy it and enjoy yourself in all of your messy, imperfect glory.
Self-love is integral to determining your success in life, your career, your relationships, and so on. Valuing yourself and knowing what you deserve will guide you to make choices reflective of this value. Self-love grows from actions we take physically, psychologically, and spiritually. If this is something you struggle with and need some strategies to improve your mindset and afford yourself the love that you deserve, then these 4 tips are for you.
1. Set Boundaries and Protect Yourself
In order to begin focusing on truly loving yourself, you need to be mindful of your own needs. Stop focusing so much on what will make others happy and start focusing on what it is that is going to make YOU happy?
Remember that it is okay to say no to people when you don’t want to participate in something. People who truly care will understand, and the people in your life who get defensive when you turn them down are the kind you need to get rid of!
There are simply not enough hours in a day to waste on people who empty your bucket. I promise that you will love and respect yourself more in the long term if you tell these people to get lost (or maybe something a little nicer).
You will love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, relationships, or activities that deplete you physically, emotionally and spiritually. Don’t worry about the fear that you are missing out on something great, you have the whole rest of your life to recreate the opportunity if you really want it.
2. Act on What You Need, Not What You Want
Next, I encourage you to take a moment to focus on what you are really thinking, how you are really feeling, and what it is you really want.
Are you frustrated with your job? Are you feeling like the relationships you have in your life are draining your energy? What are you going to need to do to change these circumstances?
While some solutions may seem tempting as a quick fix, they likely aren’t keeping you centred and focused on the path to making a change. Instant gratification can be tempting, but does not often yield long term benefits. By straying from these temptations, you will in turn set yourself up to change the automatic behaviours that have kept you stuck for so long.
3. Use the “It’s Already Over Mentality”
We have all made mistakes, said foolish things, or down right embarrassed ourselves in public. I’ve been there, and I know you have too! The difficult part about these times, is not letting these scenarios consume you. You need to quit replaying the scenarios in your head over and over thinking of the things you wish you had said or done.
Recognizing the negative self-talk is the hard part, but once you’ve gotten there and know you are doing it, correcting it is easy. THE SITUATION HAS ALREADY HAPPENED. Why obsess over something you can’t change or make different?
We can be so hard on ourselves. Cut yourself some slack, these lapses in judgement and decision making ability prove that we are actual humans; we are not perfect. Remind yourself it is over, and there will be another opportunity to prove to the world you are better than your mistakes. Just remember, always move forward.
4. Live With Intention
You will accept and love yourself more, no matter what is happening in your life, when you begin to live with purpose and design. Focus more on WHAT you want in your life, and worry less about HOW you are going to achieve that. Afford yourself the opportunity to dream big becase you deserve it! Whatever the path is you choose, make sure that your actions are helping you to get there.
Your purpose doesn’t have to be crystal clear, (in fact it rarely is)! However if you have a general idea of where you want to go in life, your decisions should support this intention. Think of how good you will feel about yourself when you are actually trying to achieve success. You will love yourself more if you see yourself accomplishing what you set out to do! You are capable of doing this.
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Self-love is about knowing and honoring your needs, wants and wishes. It’s about understanding youself, including your thoughts and feelings. It’s about being kind, compassionate, and forgiving with yourself. You are capable of self-love with the right mentality and focus.