How To Deal With Disappointment

Disappointment sucks. It is basically a complicated vortex of multiple emotions. One of the most difficult parts of dealing with disappointment is the feeling that you need to “just get over” whatever it is you are upset about.

You worked hard and yet again you didn’t get what you had expected, or you put so much effort into that relationship and the feelings weren’t reciprocated.

You start to question:

  • WHY DIDN’T THE UNIVERSE HAVE MY BACK?
  • I TRIED SO HARD TO MANIFEST THE RESULTS I WANTED, WHY DIDN’T IT WORK?

Unfortunately, disappointment is a part of life and so this week I have 3 simple tips for you to learn to cope with disappointment in your own life. As always, the audio version is available on iTunes, SoundCloud, and Google Play.

1. Talk About It

Think about a child when they are upset about something. What do they do? They lay on the floor kicking and screaming until the emotions run out and then they move on.

Now, obviously you are an adult and you cannot simply just  throw a temper tantrum. However, you are able to tell someone how you are feeling.  Find a friend, a partner, a parent, a coworker and talk about the disappointment

  1. WHAT HAPPENED?
  2. WHY DID IT HAPPEN?

Now is not the time for pointing blame at everyone else for whatever the disappointment was, but it is the time for letting out the emotions of how you are really feeling so you can begin to move on.

2. Make a Game Plan

Whether it’s a missed job opportunity, a failed relationship, or an event that didn’t quite work out; you need to figure out where you are going to go from here. While it may seem plausible to just toss in the towel and wallow in a pity party, that strategy really isn’t going to get you very far in the long run.

This step is a fundamental part of dealing with disappointment and it’s also probably the hardest.

It can certainly be difficult to think towards the future when the wounds are so fresh, but you need to seize this as a new opportunity from the universe for your life to take a new course and freaking figure out where to go from here.

You’ve got this.

3. Don’t Back Down

Yes, disappointment can make it hard to keep showing up, but persistence (particularly in hard times) is one of the keys to being successful. Find that passion within yourself for whatever it is you want to pursue – relationships, career, family – and go for it.

If what you are doing or have done isn’t working, find a new approach and try again. Getting what you want isn’t often a straight road – learn to tolerate the loss, take a new risk, and go for it.

– – –

When it comes down to it, disappointment is inevitable. Feel sad, feel angry, and then find a way to move on. Seize this moment to get back on track to the life you want and remind yourself that you deserve more than settling for whatever unfortunate circumstance you have currently found yourself in.

We can only go upwards from here my friends, that’s where I am headed and I hope you will join me.

How to Create Your Confidence

Confidence – a concept that is seemingly easy and natural for some, but a struggle for many.

While we some believe that confidence is an ability that you are born with, I like to think that over time it is an ability that has evolved and developed. From childhood to adulthood your confidence has taken hits – that person you thought liked you didn’t, you didn’t get the job for the interview you thought you aced, person x told you that person y was prettier and so on – over time particularly with the rise of social media, you have become hyper aware of the negative things about yourself that society is telling you, you need to change – Well, what if I told you that all of that is completely bogus, and that your confidence is in your control?

Each day you wake up you have a picture of yourself in your mind; some days are good, while other days are not so much.  Whether you realize it or not, that mental image is what determines the level of confidence you emit into the world. When you feel good about yourself, you radiate; when you don’t, you tend to hide away. The important key is to develop that awareness that can recognize you are never going to be stuck with where you are currently at forever. The action of being confident is in your control, practicing this alongside a few other simple tips is the first step to gaining and exuding the confidence you deserve.

As always, you can find the audio version of this post on iTunes, Google Play, or SoundCloud.

Take Control

The first step in taking the initiative to build your confidence is to recognize that your attitude is ultimately in your control. Once you come to realize and accept this as fact, you then need to take the steps to change it. Back in May I did a post about taking control in all aspects of your life [not just confidence], you can find that here.

By accepting that you are solely responsible for your own life and attitudes, you can work towards mastering the control you need to gain the confidence you seek. How you ask? Make the decision to be better for yourself, your mental state, and the overall outcomes of your life. You are in the driver seat deciding where you want to go. Take yourself on the path of positivity towards achieving all that you have ever wanted.

Practice Self Care

The next step I recommend is to treat yourself – if you feel good you people will be able to tell. I want you to think about times when you are eating bad, not sleeping properly, loafting around on the couch for hours or days, etc. and the impact those actions have on how you feel about yourself. There is nothing wrong with any of these scenarios, provided that you are willing to own it.

This is me. This is who I am. This is how I love to look/act/feel/behave

Remember, this is YOUR life not anyone else’s so forget other’s negative opinions and appreciate yourself in all of your glory. Think about what you have to offer the world, and encourage yourself to showcase it. You should never say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to someone else. Positive self-talk is integral to your success on your journey to radiating confidence.

Flip The Negativity

Throughout your life, as you have likely already concluded, people will intentionally try to tear you down. The reality of the matter is that in 99% of cases, this negativity is really just a projection of their own insecurities. So, rather than allowing it to affect you, perhaps take a moment to evaluate where they are at and coming from. Recognize that most likely what they are saying isn’t actually true.

What is it within you that they are envious of in you? Cherish that.

Disappointment is either going to fuel you or destroy, you get to choose. When something doesn’t go your way and is making you feel insecure do what you need to change it your mind.. what did I learn? What can I do next time to get what I want? By exuding the control in these situations you naturally begin to feel more confident in these decisions

Celebrate the Small Wins

Disappointment is either going to fuel you or destroy, you get to choose. When something doesn’t go your way and is making you feel insecure do what you need to change it your mind. What did you learn, and what can you do next time to get what you want? By exuding the control in these situations you naturally begin to feel more confident in these decisions. Rejection is hard at times and it can hurt  pretty bad. Sometimes it feels as though no matter what you will never be enough, but I can promise you that the more you try, the more opportunities you will find, and the more risks you take; the greater the rewards and the more confident you will feel.

We live in an anti-ego world, but its okay to be happy when you are succeeding. There is absolutely no shame in doing good. When you are proud of something you have done – own it – and do the same for others. Encouraging and recognizing each other for even the smallest things can have a much larger impact that you would expect.

I want you to think of something you are good at – music, telling jokes, lifting weights, cooking, doing makeup – whatever it is, hold on to it. Having confidence in one aspect of your life will provide the validation you need to try things outside your comfort zone and discover new areas in which you can grow your confidence.

Your story is not over yet, it is up to you. The more effort and practice you put into life and building your confidence the better results you will achieve.