How To Deal With Disappointment

Disappointment sucks. It is basically a complicated vortex of multiple emotions. One of the most difficult parts of dealing with disappointment is the feeling that you need to “just get over” whatever it is you are upset about.

You worked hard and yet again you didn’t get what you had expected, or you put so much effort into that relationship and the feelings weren’t reciprocated.

You start to question:

  • WHY DIDN’T THE UNIVERSE HAVE MY BACK?
  • I TRIED SO HARD TO MANIFEST THE RESULTS I WANTED, WHY DIDN’T IT WORK?

Unfortunately, disappointment is a part of life and so this week I have 3 simple tips for you to learn to cope with disappointment in your own life. As always, the audio version is available on iTunes, SoundCloud, and Google Play.

1. Talk About It

Think about a child when they are upset about something. What do they do? They lay on the floor kicking and screaming until the emotions run out and then they move on.

Now, obviously you are an adult and you cannot simply just  throw a temper tantrum. However, you are able to tell someone how you are feeling.  Find a friend, a partner, a parent, a coworker and talk about the disappointment

  1. WHAT HAPPENED?
  2. WHY DID IT HAPPEN?

Now is not the time for pointing blame at everyone else for whatever the disappointment was, but it is the time for letting out the emotions of how you are really feeling so you can begin to move on.

2. Make a Game Plan

Whether it’s a missed job opportunity, a failed relationship, or an event that didn’t quite work out; you need to figure out where you are going to go from here. While it may seem plausible to just toss in the towel and wallow in a pity party, that strategy really isn’t going to get you very far in the long run.

This step is a fundamental part of dealing with disappointment and it’s also probably the hardest.

It can certainly be difficult to think towards the future when the wounds are so fresh, but you need to seize this as a new opportunity from the universe for your life to take a new course and freaking figure out where to go from here.

You’ve got this.

3. Don’t Back Down

Yes, disappointment can make it hard to keep showing up, but persistence (particularly in hard times) is one of the keys to being successful. Find that passion within yourself for whatever it is you want to pursue – relationships, career, family – and go for it.

If what you are doing or have done isn’t working, find a new approach and try again. Getting what you want isn’t often a straight road – learn to tolerate the loss, take a new risk, and go for it.

– – –

When it comes down to it, disappointment is inevitable. Feel sad, feel angry, and then find a way to move on. Seize this moment to get back on track to the life you want and remind yourself that you deserve more than settling for whatever unfortunate circumstance you have currently found yourself in.

We can only go upwards from here my friends, that’s where I am headed and I hope you will join me.

How To Stop The Overwhelm

Adulthood. Ugh, what a struggle. At some point, it has had us feeling overwhelmed, overworked, and out of balance. Between work life, home life, and personal commitments we are spinning. And at the end of the day the only one who can reel it back into equilibrium is you.

So how do you cut through the chaos and start creating and living the life you want?

This week I have compiled 3 steps that I use to help minimize the overwhelm of responsibilities and maintain my happiness, social life, and sanity. As always, the audio version can be found on iTunes, SoundCloud, and Google Play.

1. Cut Out That Which is Not Necessary

Take a moment to reflect on your regular habits.

  • Do you require that second cup of coffee?
  • Do you have to set up that morning meeting?
  • Do you need to be home to watch that show right at 6pm when it airs?

Are the things actually necessary, or are you doing all of these things because it is what you have always done? Start by eliminating the things that would “be nice to do” to start making more time for the things you actually want to do.

Reprioritize tasks that can be dealt with later.

2. Make a Damn Decision

In life we often pretend to make decisions.

We decide to commit to things, but only until they get hard or uncomfortable. When we get overwhelmed by the choices, we decide to stay where we are instead of trying something new (and potentially more difficult). We then end up buried in a pile of half completed tasks and pursuits, overwhelmed with the reality that end is nowhere in sight.

Instead, you need to commit to one thing, and stick with it longer than 5 seconds. Stick through the period of self doubt, the time someone tells you “HA you’ll never succeed”, and the time you completely forget what direction you were heading.

You can literally do anything you want with your life. It is your life after all. You just have to get out there and decide to do it.

3. Stop Using Time as a Crutch

We all walk around saying “There’s Not Enough Time”. However, when we are forced to do something (you get a flat tire, there is a family emergency, a deadline at work, and so on) we suddenly have time to deal with whatever it is.

Time is always there, we have just been designed to believe it is a limited resource. Create more time by being organized. Stop being late, write down your schedule, and plan ahead for what you can. Stop focusing on being “busy” and start focusing on what you enjoy doing with your time.

People make time for the things they want, so design your life around the things you love and you will feel less overwhelmed.

You need to respect time. If you often waste it watching hours of mindless Netflix, wandering around the mall window shopping, napping instead of being productive then you are not respecting time. Worry not, for we are all guilty of this. The key is to  be able to recognize  it.

– – –

You don’t have to be smarter, richer, or more resourceful than the next busy person – you just need to want it more and be willing to dedicate your time to the cause.

If you want something badly enough and decide you will get it, you will. In order to  stop the overwhelm you have to decide to start making changes. Focus your time and energy where you want and the busy feeling will soon become fulfillment.

Cut out that which is not necessary, decide what it is you want, and commit your time to the cause. Manage your life correctly, and things will come with ease.

Millennial of the Month: Kisha Nadine

Kisha Nadine

This month’s interview was with Kisha Nadine, a web designer & developer who works with artists and creative entrepreneurs to help them achieve their goals. She ditched her 9-5 to pursue entrepreneurship in search of autonomy, creative freedom and the ability to help those who are making a difference in the world. As always, the full interview with Kisha can be found on the podcast.

Check out her site at www.kishanadine.com

Where to Find the Interview

iTunes Link

SoundCloud Link

Google Play Link

How to Reset and Recharge

To Creating a Life That Actually Serves You

Are you feeling rundown? Overwhelmed? Lost in a sea of chaos? Maybe you can’t decide what item on your To-Do List you need to tackle first because it just never seems to get any shorter. It is time to unleash your best life, and to create your life by design. What lights you up? What doesn’t? It’s time to take away things that no longer serve you, and to feel your life rather than let it control you.

This week, I have broken it down into 5 simple steps. As always, the audio version of this post is available on iTunes, SoundCloud, and Google Play.

1. Let Go of the Fear

Overcommitting is a leading cause in burnout. Taking on too much because of the fear of missing out on something else is a recipe for bad results. Have you ever found yourself saying yes to something even though you know deep down you have little to no interest in doing whatever it is?

Look at your current commitments over the next few weeks and months. Ask yourself this:

  1. What am I most excited for?
  2. What are the things I wish I could get out of?
  3. Why am I obligated to do something I don’t even want to do?

*HINT HINT*

You are not obligated to do anything you don’t want to.

We all live in a constant state of fear when it comes to saying “No”. Fear of missing out, fear of judgement from others, fear of failure, fear of the unknown.

In these times of fear, it is important to really listen to and know yourself. Stay true to that feeling. It can be incredibly difficult, but the next time someone asks you to do something that you know you don’t want to do, say no, as hard as it may be, and the freedom you will feel will change your life.

Instead of having FOMO (fear of missing out), frame it as the joy of missing out. See this “No” as an opportunity to get to create something you actually want in this new found freedom. By freeing yourself from what you don’t want, you are making the opportunity to focus on that which you do want.

2. Define a Fresh Start

The majority of our ability to establish a new start and really reset our brains is all psychological. I encourage you to use language that gives you permission to start over. You don’t need a monday, a new year, the first of the month, or anything of that sort. You simply need to choose when you want to make a change and own it.

Tell yourself, “Today is the first day to start my new journey” and then get out there and make a move.

3. Learn to Reflect

Your life flows in seasons, and some are much easier than others I assure you.  While you may have a goal in mind for right now, you need to allow yourself grace to get there. Remember that Mt. Everest is not climbed in a day. The trek is taken piece by piece to camp after camp. The hikers acclimate to the new altitudes, they evaluate what is working and what is not, and they figure out their next move.

If you are facing a particularly difficult season right now, acknowledge it, accept it, and create a strategy to move through it.

4. Change Your Average

Clarity comes from your surroundings. If you are feeling misguided or confused, re-evaluate where, with who, and how you are spending your time. What is it that you want to be/feel/do/have in your life?

If you feel something is missing  – seek it out – find the people you need to get you where you want to be. Ask yourself the hard questions to determine what or who is no longer serving you.  Recognize your strengths and your potential, hold on to that and set your life on fire. If you believe you can, you will.

5. Create Conditions for Success

If your current approach to life isn’t work for you and you aren’t feeling accomplished or fulfilled consider asking yourself a couple hard questions:

  1. What is working for me? Why is it working?
  2. What isn’t working for me? Why isn’t it?

You always have a choice to design your life differently. Some people need BIG shifts to get out of ruts (the end of a relationship, a big move, a new job, etc.), but most people can just make small changes to create the ripple. Start with one habit you want to change, start to get comfortable and feel good about it, watch the accomplishment trickle into other habits of your life.

You are capable of creating your own success.

 

How To Handle Loneliness

How to Avoid a Life of Isolation

Have you ever experienced the feeling of being alone? Well, it’s now February, Forever-Alone-uary, whichever you choose; an absolute pertinent time to discuss this issue.

Let’s be honest, whether you are in a relationship or not, loneliness has a tendency to rear it’s head from time to time. It can be especially hard this time of year as everyone shoves their relationships in your face, but your love life doesn’t have to be the only place you face this challenge. In the work place, at home, or at your pass time of choice establishing and maintaining relationships can get difficult once all of the components of real life “adulthood” start to enter into your life.

Loneliness can certainly take its toll if you so allow it to. As you dwell in your “Woe is me. Why am I alone? I will be alone forever” mentality, life is passing by without you, and with it passes the chance to cope and move past this hopeless state of mind. This week I am providing 4 steps I actively use to combat loneliness in my day-to-day life.

As always, check out the audio of this post on Google Play, SoundCloud, and iTunes.

1. Normalize the Feeling

You are not alone in feeling lonely. Everyone from solo entrepreneurs who work from home and don’t get out often, to the most social of individuals face the feeling of loneliness from time to time. As society becomes more connected through our phones and technology, there is greater feeling of disconnect on a face-to-face level. This is the new normal, and I can guarantee each of you have felt this at least once. You’re not crazy or alone at all, your loneliness is in fact a commonality you share with so many other people.

2. Build Yourself Up

In order to full accept the value you hold, and to be okay with being alone from time to time, you have to create a good relationship with yourself. You need to abandon your self-deprecating thoughts when it comes to doing things alone, because:

  1. You don’t know what other people are thinking.
  2. You really shouldn’t care either way.

Learn the importance of treating yourself. Join that yoga class, go see that exhibit or movie you’ve been wanting to; even if it means you have to do it alone. Yes, having company is nice, but you are with yourself you’re entire life – embrace it and rejoice in the comfort of being able to enjoy that fact.

3. Join a Network Online

As we get older our interest begin to shift. You likely have found yourself drifting from relationships with people you used to spend hours with doing whatever with simply because you have each established your own new lives, new interests, and new trajectories. While this sad reality can leave you feeling empty and alone, the internet has come to save the day.

I know I just said that technology is ruining our ability to feel truly connected, but the internet serves as a great tool to find a like minded community that you can then transition into real life should you so choose (or not!). There are 1000s of online communities waiting for you to discover, and share your experiences with likeminded individuals. Whether your interests are in fitness, entrepreneurship, couponing, or parenting an online community exists out there for you.

These groups/communities can provide a sense of accountability you may not be finding in your “real world” relationships. Use these networks to actually interact with people, support others, and ask for advice. Remember, even when you may feel absolutely alone. Someone is out there somewhere waiting for you.

4. Volunteer

Whether it’s one hour or one day every week, month, or year – seek an opportunity to give back. Not only will you make a positive impact in your community, you will meet people with similar interests and create connections you may not necessarily have had already. Choose an interest, get on the google machine, and start making a difference. It only takes that first leap into committing to a cause and the rest will fall into place.

Lonely, but never truly alone. Embrace yourself, your life, and your surroundings.

 

How To Face Your Fears

What is it that you are most afraid of and how does that make you feel?

I know that even the thought of facing you fears can leave you feeling unsure, uncomfortable, and full of anxiety. However, I can promise that making the move towards confronting these fears can actually improve the quality of your life tenfold. This week I am offering 4 simple tips for working towards confronting that which you fear the most.

As always you can find the audio version of this post on SoundCloud, iTunes, and Google Play.

1. Identify What Scares You

In order to overcome your fear, you need to really understand the concept specific to the context of your fear itself

  1. What is it that you are afraid of?
  2. How does thinking of this fear make you feel? (Think of the cues your body sends – racing thoughts, shortness of breath, etc)

By accepting the symptoms you feel as an association with your fear, you can begin to narrow down what thoughts specifically trigger this reaction.

2. Learn To Differentiate Rational and Irrational

Fear is a totally useful evolutionary response. Thousands of years ago you would have needed fear to protect you from predators. However, you live in a different world now, and you need to learn to understand which fears are useful and which fears are wasting your energy and comprising your ability to live life as you should.

Your fear to speak in public though quite common and seemingly reasonable, isn’t actually a fear that is directly related to your wellbeing. yeah sure, you fear embarrassment or rejection for doing it but you aren’t going to die from it. Focus on the rationality. Why are you getting so worked up and is that level of discomfort rational? Ask your self these questions.

3. Develop a Plan

You know that the end goal here is to face your fear. So, how are you going to get there? The thought of facing your fear can be scary, overwhelming, and even panic inducing. In order to effectively (and easily) face your fear, you need to break it down into a more manageable approach.

For me, my fear was going into a burning building as part of my firefighter recruit training, and so I broke it down into the following steps:

  1. Show up at the specified location for training.
  2. Actively listen to the instruction to figure out what my task was exactly and how to do it safely.
  3. Make sure to wear all proper PPE, and double check to ensure it is properly sealed/worn correctly.
  4. Remain calm and focus on breathing throughout the exercise.

I know most of you are likely not training to be fire fighters and that’s okay. These steps are applicable to all sorts of different fears.

For example: If your fear is flying, start by buying a plane ticket, going to the airport, etc. If you’re afraid to try a new hobby, start by researching it online, finding local classes, etc.

By understanding what it will take to over come your fear you can break it down it to much less daunting tasks. You should not have to fear the process of overcoming your fear.

4. Focus on Your Thoughts

Often our fears are based on the worst case scenario. We typically utilize failure, death, rejection, and so on as an excuse to reinforce our fears.  What I want to encourage you to do in this case is to focus on taking the negative and flipping it into the best case scenario.

For example: Take “If I start my own business, I will fail and go bankrupt” and change it to “If I start my own business I will become wildly successful”

Your internal dialogue is what controls your reactions. While you obviously can’t control the outcomes of every scenario, you are able to control your perception. So think about what other factors of this situation are in your control. Remember, your mind will quit long before your body ever does.

– – –

I promise you that the internal freedom you feel from facing that of which you are most afraid will enable you to continue to find freedom from other areas in your life. I know personally, that after overcoming my fear of live fire I am now so ready to conquer other things in my career and personal life that I have just been waiting on for so long in my mind – in fear of unknown outcomes.

At the end of the day, fear is a learned construct – fear of judgment or rejection, fear for your safety… It is is your control to unlearn it. Visualize the best case that could be, relax yourself, breathe, and conquer your fears.

How to Improve Your Communication

How to Deliver Your Intended Message

Communication is key in every aspect of our lives – our careers, our education, and our relationships. Pretty much anyone can communicate in some way shape or form, but not everyone is capable of doing so effectively. While some are naturally gifted with great communication; many are not and that is OKAY!Communication is a skill that can be learned, practiced, and improved over time.

In this post, I have compiled my top 3 strategies to help in achieving these effective communication skills in your own life. As always, the audio version can be found on iTunes, Google Play, or SoundCloud.

1. Force Yourself to Listen

First of all, take note that listening is not the same as waiting your turn to talk. Sometimes we are so focused on the next point we want to say that we don’t actually listen to the other person.  You can’t concentrate on what someone’s saying if you’re busy forming what you’re going to say next. Often, the speaker can read your facial expressions and know that your mind’s elsewhere.

Be present in conversation,  slow down and listen to what the speaker is saying so that you can genuinely respond based on the information they provide. We all get so afraid that our opinions are going to get lost in the discussion that we tend to disregard what the other person has to say.

So, next time you find yourself in a heated discussion with someone you genuinely care about, slow down and actually listen. What are they saying? Why do they feel that way? Perhaps paying attention will change your own perspective.

2. Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Cues

This one may sound simple (i.e. if a person is facing away from you they probably aren’t interested in the conversation). However, have you ever tried paying attention to your own cues? Are you:

  1. Looking up and down from your phone while in a conversation in person with someone?
  2. Distracted by other visuals in the room?
  3. Crossing your arms?
  4. Yelling or speaking in an aggressive tone?

These could all be indicators (some more aggressive and obvious than others) that will reflect negatively on you in the perception of the other person. Focus on your tone (which will be different for different audiences), eye contact, and on appearing engaged and interested.

So much is interpreted – or misinterpreted – through body language, it is equally important that we are representing the message we want physically as much as we are verbally.

3. Keep Stress In Check

How many times have you said something in an argument that you later regretted? Learning how to quickly relieve stress and return to a calm state in an efficient and time effective manner is a necessary skill when it comes to effective communication. It is only in a more relaxed state that you can actually practice the other two tips I have mentioned.

But how? How do we remain calm when our emotions are starting to spin out of control? Whether it’s a job interview that has you jittered, or a heated conversation with a colleague or partner remember the following:

  1.  Recognize that you are stressed (muscle tightness, shortness of breath, heart pounding, temperature rising).
  2. Breathe. Simple but easily forgotten. Remember that breathing is what will help you maintain that calm, cool, attitude even if you are internally losing your mind.
  3. Be open to compromise, and accept the circumstances. Some things are simply out of your control. If you can both bend a little perhaps you can find middle ground painlessly.

Maintaining your stress levels, will allow you to think rationally, be able to understand the other party’s point of view, and respond in a calm and meaningful way.

– – – 

Even if you are not a gifted speaker, you can still become highly effective in the art of communication. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop this skill, BUT the more effort and practice you put in, the more instinctive and effective your communication skills will become.

How to Find Inspiration

Find Your Motivation
Life is funny. Some days you can be ready to take on the world where as others you could not care less about getting a single thing done. While I love what I do here on the internet, sometimes the ideas just don’t flow naturally. While I do keep a running list of content ideas, things don’t always speak to me and right now that is exactly the case. 
While most of you reading this may not run a website or host a podcast, you can still apply this in other aspects of your life; maybe you don’t feel fulfilled at work, or maybe you feel uninspired in some other aspect of your life where you know you need to make a change, but just don’t feel the desire to actually do it. I am going to give you four simple tips I use at these times in my own life.
As always, the audio version for this podcast can be found on iTunes, SoundCloud, and Google Play.

 Understand That This is Normal

As with any situation in life there are always going to be highs and lows. Can you imagine if there wasn’t and that life was stagnant? What a boring and pointless life that would be! Some days your inspiration will be in abundance, while others it will not. This is okay.,this is exciting, and most importantly this is normal.


The only constant thing in life is change, and change is only temporary. So, when you are riding a high make sure to appreciate it, but remember that it will not last forever. Likewise, use the low points as opportunities to learn, grow, and change. You will always bounce back, even from the worst of times.

Build Better Relationships.

Go out and talk to people (or text them from the comfort of your bed). Talk to your friends, your mentors, people you know you can connect with; share ideas, and find inspiration. By expanding your mind through communicating, you can escape your own situation by living vicarously through someone else and gather new information that you can apply to your own life.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Be willing to try something new. To get out of a rut, you need to know what is keeping you in it. Often our routines can be our greatest help, and our most difficult obstacle. Monotony can lead to complacency and boredom. Getting out of your comfort zone can shake this; try a new approach to whatever your normal routine is – travel (explore somewhere you’ve never been), try a new kind of food, sign up for a new hobby – spark a change for the sake of stretching that part of your brain. Trigger the fear of the unknown within you; that fear can fuel your inspiration.

Practice Self Care

This is so key. I encourage self care in all forms, the first however being movement. Regular exercise and simply moving your body will improve your cognitive function. Movement changes how you feel, so if you’re feeling lazy get up, get those endorphins flowing and allow the energy to manifest into your life.
Self care doesn’t stop at exercise though, so make sure to take the time to connect with yourself. Whether this means taking a hike to think to yourself, or simply unplugging for 30 mins to journal or meditate do something with intention to remind yourself that you matter to YOU.
– – –
The fluctuations of inspiration are normal. Life ebbs and flows – be patient and change will come as it always does. Keep moving and your flow will return; you can’t force it but you can take action and put in the work that will grant you the change you are desiring. You get what you give, so if you take action you will receive the same.

In the end you will always be okay, don’t feel defeated by this current lack of inspiration – you will find what you need in due time.

How To Take Control of Your Life

CONTROL AND ACHIEVING RESPONSIBILITY

When was the last time you found yourself thinking about your current situation in life, and how making just one different decision in your past would’ve have changed the course of everything for the better? Perhaps if you had or had not of done that one thing, absolutely everything would be totally different. Maybe if you could have had more time, better support, or different resources things would have worked out how you wanted them to. These thoughts are destructive, and it’s finally time to stop and take control.

People tend to live as though their past controls their future, but this is only true if you allow it to be. Your memories of past events are biased, leaving you with feelings towards those situations that are distorted and often times, unresourceful. By learning to own the fact that you are in control of the decisions you have made and will make in your life, you are one step closer to achieving your desired outcomes.

As always the audio version of this post can be found on iTunes, Google Play, or SoundCloud.

1. Quit Passing the Blame and Let Go

All too often we don’t want to own up to the mistakes that we have made in the past. We blame other people, our previous circumstances, and our surroundings for not achieving the results we wanted. Not only is this tendency unattractive to others when trying to gain their support, but it also prevents us from altering our decision making process and impedes us from getting the results we want.

I want you to think of a time when something didn’t go your way. Did blaming someone/something else change that? Nope, definitely not. What can YOU do differently next time to alter your outcome?

We are in control of our own decisions. By learning to liberate ourselves from the decisions of the past (both our own and those of others) we can achieve so much more clarity on the path to being successful. Always reflect on what you have learned, and move forward knowing how you can be better. Do not worry about the others.

2. Learn to Accept and Take Care of Yourself

When you learn how to take 100% responsibility for things you want and the work you put into achieving them, you will begin to naturally attract the support of others without them being the ones in control.

We are all human, each respectively with our own flaws. By learning to accept our faults, and working towards being better each and every day we will find that the sense of control we feel in our day-to-day actions will naturally strengthen.

Continuously seek to develop traits that will aid in the process of getting what you want and nurture those characteristics as they develop. Reward yourself for your successes, but do not punish yourself for mis-steps; it is all part of the journey. In order to feel good you need to reassure yourself that you are doing good, so be sure to evaluate along the way and recognize your achievements – no matter how small.

3. Establish Your Priorities and Always Think Forward

If you feel like you are constantly at war with a never ending to-do list perhaps it is time to stop and assess how you got there. Don’t be afraid to turn away new opportunities that do not contribute to your overall end game. The end goal here is progress, if your actions are not contributing to your progress then why are you participating in them? Rid your time of useless activities.

Further to the idea that you should not waste your time on things not contributing to your overall success, it is important to recognize that you also aren’t going to do something you don’t believe is possible. If you tell yourself you can’t do something, then chances are you won’t. After all, why would you try to do something that your brain thinks you are incapable of doing? Prioritize your success, and work towards the end goal here. Think of the tools and actions you need to get there, and determine how you can and will get and do those things. Don’t be afraid to give it your all – even in unfamiliar territory.

Quit the “No’s” – Love Yourself – Strive Towards Success