Pain is inevitable, and incredible. Hurt has the power to build us up, or destroy us. Sometimes despite our greatest efforts, we just cannot seem to let things go. When faced with emotional pain we tend to let it drag. In fact we often prolong bad feelings by continuously talking about them and running through them in our minds… in hope for what? Why?
The emotional decisions we make can create further problems for us by prolonging unnecessary hurt, distracting us from what really matters in creating the life we want. Holding on to anger and bitterness can affect every new experience and relationship we have, causing us to be so wrapped up in what has gone wrong that we can’t truly enjoy the present.
If you are currently facing a difficult situation that is holding heavy in your heart, I encourage you to follow these 3 steps to learn to let go of the hurt. As always, the audio version is available on iTunes, SoundCloud, or Google Play.
1. Manage Your Thoughts
Each and every day we are thinking thousands of thoughts. These thoughts shape our emotional response to ever incident we incur. If you think something is challenging – your reaction to it will reflect that.
In situations that involve anger or hurt feelings it is in your control to change the way you think about it. The next time you find your thoughts drifting towards a negative response with someone – stop for a second and think of the limitations this will put on your ability to heal and choose to move on.
At first it might seem hard, but the more you try and remove the preconceived feelings and emotions from the person that hurt you, the easier it will be to move along.
2. Choose Happiness Over Ego
Whether you care to acknowledge it or not, your ego is controlling your reality. When someone wrongs you, it is your ego that is telling you to hold onto that hurt. Your ego is telling you that being right is more important than actually feeling good.
The next time you find yourself upset ask this:
- Is holding onto that anger really worth it just to say you were right?
Letting go of hurt is not about forgiving the other person for the sake of their freedom, or admitting defeat – it’s about taking care of and freeing yourself. It is about taking responsibility for your own happiness.
What do you need to do to be happy? If its as simple as letting go of something that’s happened to you – then do it.
3. Find Compassion
We are all living in our own illusions known as “reality”. Each and every person somehow justifies their actions. Something you might think is not okay may be totally fine to someone else and vice versa, that is because we all have different moral thresholds.
When dealing with difficult people it is important that you realize that while it may not have been how you would have handled a situation, it made sense and was justified to them. The point of forgiveness is not getting another person to change his or her actions; it’s about changing your reactions.
Think of forgiveness in regards to how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. In order to find a way to let go of the hurt someone has caused you – no matter how hard, complicated, or just plain wrong it may seem – you need to understand that they too are coming from their own place of being (be it happy, sad, or angry); we all have a history.
If all else fails, remember that some people are just not nice people. However, they got that way for a reason, so rather than stew in it hurting yourself empathize with their situation and move on. After all, letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for improved health and peace of mind.