How To Deal With Disappointment

Disappointment sucks. It is basically a complicated vortex of multiple emotions. One of the most difficult parts of dealing with disappointment is the feeling that you need to “just get over” whatever it is you are upset about.

You worked hard and yet again you didn’t get what you had expected, or you put so much effort into that relationship and the feelings weren’t reciprocated.

You start to question:

  • WHY DIDN’T THE UNIVERSE HAVE MY BACK?
  • I TRIED SO HARD TO MANIFEST THE RESULTS I WANTED, WHY DIDN’T IT WORK?

Unfortunately, disappointment is a part of life and so this week I have 3 simple tips for you to learn to cope with disappointment in your own life. As always, the audio version is available on iTunes, SoundCloud, and Google Play.

1. Talk About It

Think about a child when they are upset about something. What do they do? They lay on the floor kicking and screaming until the emotions run out and then they move on.

Now, obviously you are an adult and you cannot simply just  throw a temper tantrum. However, you are able to tell someone how you are feeling.  Find a friend, a partner, a parent, a coworker and talk about the disappointment

  1. WHAT HAPPENED?
  2. WHY DID IT HAPPEN?

Now is not the time for pointing blame at everyone else for whatever the disappointment was, but it is the time for letting out the emotions of how you are really feeling so you can begin to move on.

2. Make a Game Plan

Whether it’s a missed job opportunity, a failed relationship, or an event that didn’t quite work out; you need to figure out where you are going to go from here. While it may seem plausible to just toss in the towel and wallow in a pity party, that strategy really isn’t going to get you very far in the long run.

This step is a fundamental part of dealing with disappointment and it’s also probably the hardest.

It can certainly be difficult to think towards the future when the wounds are so fresh, but you need to seize this as a new opportunity from the universe for your life to take a new course and freaking figure out where to go from here.

You’ve got this.

3. Don’t Back Down

Yes, disappointment can make it hard to keep showing up, but persistence (particularly in hard times) is one of the keys to being successful. Find that passion within yourself for whatever it is you want to pursue – relationships, career, family – and go for it.

If what you are doing or have done isn’t working, find a new approach and try again. Getting what you want isn’t often a straight road – learn to tolerate the loss, take a new risk, and go for it.

– – –

When it comes down to it, disappointment is inevitable. Feel sad, feel angry, and then find a way to move on. Seize this moment to get back on track to the life you want and remind yourself that you deserve more than settling for whatever unfortunate circumstance you have currently found yourself in.

We can only go upwards from here my friends, that’s where I am headed and I hope you will join me.

How To Tune Into Your Intuition

First things first,  I want to remind you that you have all been called to have an impact. Each and every one of us was put on earth for a specific purpose, with specific characteristics to fulfill that purpose.

As we grow older we are encouraged to decide our own destiny based on the knowledge we gained in the first 18 years or so of life. So we do it! We go to college, or university, or start working right away – set towards whatever path it is we consciously chose.

However, maybe what we decided would be our future, wasn’t what we were called to do. Have you ever felt that? Had expectations for something, decided to pursue it, and later realized that it wasn’t what you wanted? Even worse, maybe you started something, knew it didn’t feel right, and “stuck it through” anyway because it was “the right thing to do”. The problem is that we get stuck in what we know to be the norm and we cannot seem to shift beyond what we believe to be true about ourselves.

This week I am encouraging you to learn to listen to your recurring voice that is saying “maybe you should do this, or perhaps you can try this, or what if you change this”. I want you to learn to think about who were you designed to be not who you decided to be. I am offering 2 tips to tap into the gut instinct, that little voice inside your head (A.K.A your Intuition)m, which has been trying to tell you what you’ve subconsciously known all along.

As always, the audio version can be found on iTunes, SoundCloud, or Google Play.

1. Tune In To How You Feel

You know when you start doing something you shouldn’t be and your chest gets tight or your stomach starts to hurt? It’s time to understand that these cues are your body guiding you. Your intuition is trying to tell you that something isn’t right.

No matter how good something might sound or seem, your intuition knows what is best for you on your path. Trusting this feeling can be especially scary when society has conditioned us to believe in particular things. You need to make the commitment to slow down, really feel, and more importantly listen to what your intuition is telling you.

The more you listen, the more good things will happen, and the easier it will become to trust it next time.

2. Pay Attention

So much of our lives are lived on autopilot. We wake up, go to work, get home, cook dinner, chat with a friend, go to bed, (or some variation of this) – rinse, repeat.

The problem with this is that if we move through life guided by habit, our intuition has no chance to step in. Therefore, it become very important to slow down from routine – even just a few times each day and really take a minute to see what is going on around us.

  • How are people behaving?
  • How are you feeling? Happy? Sad? Tired? Excited?

Appreciate each moment for what it is and learn to listen to why you are feeling a certain way. If a particular event, or action, or person has been causing a trigger feeling for some time now, it is important to listen to your body’s cue.

Our intuition uses information our conscious mind gathers through interaction and experiences. The more information our conscious mind gathers, the more insightful our intuition becomes. Like a lot of things, listening to intuition takes practice.

Sometimes we ignore our intuition thinking that we’re too busy, or that we have too many other things on our plate. It’s almost as if listening to our gut instinct is a luxury we don’t have the time or energy to afford.

NEWS FLASH – your intuition isn’t going anywhere, honey. The universe wants more for you and I encourage you to listen.

Life won’t always be perfect, but with your gut instinct as your sidekick, you’re a whole lot stronger and smarter than you think.

How To Live Your True Purpose

What is your purpose here? What is your truest desire? Your desires are the map to the life you really want to live.  However, from a very young age you have been conditioned to be fearful and taught to play it safe. Whether this conditioning has come from the bad news you see on TV or the stories from your parents – you are designed to live cautiously at risk of getting hurt (physically emotionally or even financially).

We see this all the time in day-to-day life. Anytime someone we know decides to take risks (travel the world, quit their job to follow a passion, etc) instead of being supporting we often caution them of the dangers.

  1. What if they get hurt?
  2. They will probably fail.
  3. What if they go bankrupt?

We are raised to “follow our dreams” but are later cautioned to take the safe route – get a good job and stick it out because it will lead us to happiness.

Now stop for a minute and imagine a world where the opposite were true.

Imagine if we supported people whole hardly in their pursuits.

When it comes to fear, you have no guarantee that the BAD things you fear are going to happen. In fact following your dreams could actually lead to something absolutely incredible, but you won’t know if you don’t try!

Here are my 3 tips for you to stop listening to everyone else, and start living your true purpose. As always you can find the audio version on iTunes, SoundCloud, and Google Play.

1. Learn to Get Comfortable In It

What is “it” you ask? Well, “it” can be whatever you want. Your dream job, your dream relationship, your dream vacation… you can decide to go for it, whatever it is.

NEWS FLASH – your freedom is on the other side of fear. I am not saying quit your job and go frivolously spend 10k on a trip to Bali. I am saying that fear is likely the one major component holding you back from chasing whatever it is you want.

In order to fulfill the seemingly impossible dream, the first thing you need to do is get comfortable in the idea that anything is possible. You create your own reality. Decide what it is you want and decide that you are going to get.

2. Think to The Future

Start now by remembering a time you did something you were really scared to do. Whether it was bungee jumping, moving away from home for the first time, starting a job you weren’t even sure you were qualified for… Whatever it is – I want you to think back to that time!

How do you feel about it now?

It is funny how our fears are less scary looking back on… Something that nearly immobilized us at the time has us now thinking “Wow I can’t believe I was afraid of THAT!”

Now what I want you to do with whatever it is you are afraid, is pretend to look back on what it from a future you. You need to tell yourself, “I am going to do this, and it won’t be so bad.”

3. Break Down the Fear

Lastly, determine what part of your dream you are afraid of.

  • Is it failure for not being able to succeed?
  • Is it humiliation for even trying?

On the other hand, imagine you were to give up on the dream entirely. What could potentially happen?

  • Maybe sadness for never finding out if it was even possible?
  • Maybe humiliation for never having the guts to try?

Now you need to decide which of these two possibilities is worse.

Would you rather continue to live in mediocrity, or would you rather pursue success? (And yes potentially failure, but THINK of what you could learn!)

We are all so stuck in our comfort zones that we are afraid to move. Stop letting the fear of not doing whatever your dream is outweigh the fear of getting it done.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

Determine your dream, get comfortable in the idea that it is possible, think of how easy it will feel when it’s over and focus on breaking down what silly little thing it is that you are actually afraid of.

YOU CAN DO THIS. I CAN DO THIS. WE CAN ALL DO THIS.

How To Stop The Overwhelm

Adulthood. Ugh, what a struggle. At some point, it has had us feeling overwhelmed, overworked, and out of balance. Between work life, home life, and personal commitments we are spinning. And at the end of the day the only one who can reel it back into equilibrium is you.

So how do you cut through the chaos and start creating and living the life you want?

This week I have compiled 3 steps that I use to help minimize the overwhelm of responsibilities and maintain my happiness, social life, and sanity. As always, the audio version can be found on iTunes, SoundCloud, and Google Play.

1. Cut Out That Which is Not Necessary

Take a moment to reflect on your regular habits.

  • Do you require that second cup of coffee?
  • Do you have to set up that morning meeting?
  • Do you need to be home to watch that show right at 6pm when it airs?

Are the things actually necessary, or are you doing all of these things because it is what you have always done? Start by eliminating the things that would “be nice to do” to start making more time for the things you actually want to do.

Reprioritize tasks that can be dealt with later.

2. Make a Damn Decision

In life we often pretend to make decisions.

We decide to commit to things, but only until they get hard or uncomfortable. When we get overwhelmed by the choices, we decide to stay where we are instead of trying something new (and potentially more difficult). We then end up buried in a pile of half completed tasks and pursuits, overwhelmed with the reality that end is nowhere in sight.

Instead, you need to commit to one thing, and stick with it longer than 5 seconds. Stick through the period of self doubt, the time someone tells you “HA you’ll never succeed”, and the time you completely forget what direction you were heading.

You can literally do anything you want with your life. It is your life after all. You just have to get out there and decide to do it.

3. Stop Using Time as a Crutch

We all walk around saying “There’s Not Enough Time”. However, when we are forced to do something (you get a flat tire, there is a family emergency, a deadline at work, and so on) we suddenly have time to deal with whatever it is.

Time is always there, we have just been designed to believe it is a limited resource. Create more time by being organized. Stop being late, write down your schedule, and plan ahead for what you can. Stop focusing on being “busy” and start focusing on what you enjoy doing with your time.

People make time for the things they want, so design your life around the things you love and you will feel less overwhelmed.

You need to respect time. If you often waste it watching hours of mindless Netflix, wandering around the mall window shopping, napping instead of being productive then you are not respecting time. Worry not, for we are all guilty of this. The key is to  be able to recognize  it.

– – –

You don’t have to be smarter, richer, or more resourceful than the next busy person – you just need to want it more and be willing to dedicate your time to the cause.

If you want something badly enough and decide you will get it, you will. In order to  stop the overwhelm you have to decide to start making changes. Focus your time and energy where you want and the busy feeling will soon become fulfillment.

Cut out that which is not necessary, decide what it is you want, and commit your time to the cause. Manage your life correctly, and things will come with ease.

Millennial of the Month: Kisha Nadine

Kisha Nadine

This month’s interview was with Kisha Nadine, a web designer & developer who works with artists and creative entrepreneurs to help them achieve their goals. She ditched her 9-5 to pursue entrepreneurship in search of autonomy, creative freedom and the ability to help those who are making a difference in the world. As always, the full interview with Kisha can be found on the podcast.

Check out her site at www.kishanadine.com

Where to Find the Interview

iTunes Link

SoundCloud Link

Google Play Link

How To Let Go of Hurt

To Move Forward With Your Life

Pain is inevitable, and incredible. Hurt has the power to build us up, or destroy us. Sometimes despite our greatest efforts, we just cannot seem to let things go. When faced with emotional pain we tend to let it drag. In fact we often prolong bad feelings by continuously talking about them and running through them in our minds… in hope for what? Why?

The emotional decisions we make can create further problems for us by prolonging unnecessary hurt, distracting us from what really matters in creating the life we want. Holding on to anger and bitterness can affect every new experience and relationship we have, causing us to be so wrapped up in what has gone wrong that we can’t truly enjoy the present.

If you are currently facing a difficult situation that is holding heavy in your heart, I encourage you to follow these 3 steps to learn to let go of the hurt. As always, the audio version is available on iTunes, SoundCloud, or Google Play.

1. Manage Your Thoughts

Each and every day we are thinking thousands of thoughts. These thoughts shape our emotional response to ever incident we incur. If you think something is challenging – your reaction to it will reflect that.

In situations that involve anger or hurt feelings it is in your control to change the way you think about it. The next time you find your thoughts drifting towards a negative response with someone – stop for a second and think of the limitations this will put on your ability to heal and choose to move on.

At first it might seem hard, but the more you try and remove the preconceived feelings and emotions from the person that hurt you, the easier it will be to move along.

2. Choose Happiness Over Ego

Whether you care to acknowledge it or not, your ego is controlling your reality. When someone wrongs you, it is your ego that is telling you to hold onto that hurt. Your ego is telling you that being right is more important than actually feeling good.

The next time you find yourself upset ask this:

  1. Is holding onto that anger really worth it just to say you were right?

Letting go of hurt is not about forgiving the other person for the sake of their freedom, or admitting defeat – it’s about taking care of and freeing yourself. It is about taking responsibility for your own happiness.

What do you need to do to be happy? If its as simple as letting go of something that’s happened to you – then do it.

3. Find Compassion

We are all living in our own illusions known as “reality”. Each and every person somehow justifies their actions. Something you might think is not okay may be totally fine to someone else and vice versa, that is because we all have different moral thresholds.

When dealing with difficult people it is important that you realize that while it may not have been how you would have handled a situation, it made sense and was justified to them. The point of forgiveness is not getting another person to change his or her actions; it’s about changing your reactions.

Think of forgiveness in regards to how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. In order to find a way to let go of the hurt someone has caused you – no matter how hard, complicated, or just plain wrong it may seem – you need to understand that they too are coming from their own place of being (be it happy, sad, or angry); we all have a history.

If all else fails, remember that some people are just not nice people. However, they got that way for a reason, so rather than stew in it hurting yourself empathize with their situation and move on. After all, letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for improved health and peace of mind.

Give yourself permission to do some serious emotional healing to become your happiest self and remember, it is a process more than a destination.

How To Recognize Abundance

Unlocking Life's Limitless Potential

Have you ever noticed how some people always seem to remain positive, even when faced with constant negative or unfortunate situations? Do you envy their ability to trek along through life, meanwhile you get set back by the simplest complication or moderate chaos?

At the end of the day it is our mindset that determines our path. Our mind can serve as our biggest hindrance OR our biggest source of motivation. We can follow our mind down a pathway paved with scarcity, or we can choose a pathway paved with abundance, and endless opportunity to turn our bad luck around.

This week I want to give you 3 strategies to live a full life, of happiness, inspiration, and endless opportunity. As always the audio version is available on iTunes, Google Play, or SoundCloud.

1. Understand the World of Plenty

Maintaining a positive attitude in times of hardship can feel down right impossible at times. Most people tend to get stuck in the idea that there are limited resources – never enough time, jobs, money, people, etc. However, despite whatever misfortune you may face it is important to remember that the world has so much more to offer you than that which you have lost.

  1. Just because a relationship ends, that doesn’t mean that love doesn’t exist.
  2. If you get fired from your job that doesn’t mean another one isn’t out there for you.
  3. When you can’t afford to buy something you really want, that doesn’t mean you will never be capable of getting the resources to buy it later.

Stop with these thoughts. When you think in this space of lacking, you are already determining your fate. If you tell yourself you can’t afford something – what are the chances you will go out and try to find a way to make more money? If you tell yourself you aren’t skilled enough to do something – what are the chances you’re even going to bother trying to do it? You can never live beyond scarcity if you convince yourself that place doesn’t exist.

Remember the world is large, the universe is whole, and opportunity exists beyond your limiting beliefs. Believe you can, and you will.

2. Embrace Change

Change is an integral part of life. While it can be challenging, it usually leads to better things. However, our fear of change often leaves us stuck in a life we don’t love, or aren’t fulfilled by. We fear the unknown and that makes change scary.

Learn to embrace change slowly – you don’t need to up and move, or break up with your partner, or shave your head – just be open to new things, new hobbies, new jobs, new people – abundance is plentiful in places you don’t even realize exist.

3. Never Stop Learning

Those with a scarcity mindset often believe that the skills and knowledge they have are finite. Thats it, that’s all. The key to understanding and embracing abundance is to remember that you can never know it all.

The possibilities of the world are truly limitless. So, the next time you face an obstacle, instead of accepting it as the end solution, think of an alternative approach. What new skill, thought, or idea can you learn to help you solve the problem at hand?

Remember, your attitudes toward scarcity and abundance greatly influence your success. The path you have traveled thus far is not setting your future in stone. The beauty of life is the fact that you can change it! Opportunity exists if you choose to believe in it.

Life is short, live large, believe in the endless possibilities life has to offer and choose to live an abundant life.

How To Get Out of Your Own Head

To Stop Obsessing and Start Living

We all do it, and we have all been there (more often than we may care to admit), over thinking everything. Thinking about bills, about that thing we said to our coworker last Tuesday, about how we need to clean the house when we get home, or about why your friend was rude to you yesterday. We are always thinking and typically it’s not too positively.

Studies have shown that a mind that wanders (which is the default setting of our brains) is more likely to be an unhappy mind. While the clarity gained from the occasional day dream is good, I am going to give you 3 Simple Steps to bring yourself back to the present when you mind starts to obsess.

As always, find this post in audio format on iTunes, Google Play, or SoundCloud.

1. Use Mindfulness to Let Go

Mindfulness; a technique I talk about a lot, but may never clearly explain. In this instance, mindfulness refers to the act of being aware. Remaining aware of your thoughts, and aware of their implications.

The next time you find yourself particularly stuck on an incident, pause. Don’t judge yourself for being stuck there, instead question why you are there.

  1. What is it you are obsessing over?
  2. Why did you start thinking of it?
  3. How is it making you feel?
  4. Lastly, why are you giving it that wait?

If the incident is not beneficial to your wellbeing, or if you can’t change its outcome – you need to learn to let it go. The letting go is difficult, but totally possible and 100% liberating once achieved.

2. Focus on Someone Else

Whether its lending a physical hand, or an ear to listen – putting yourself into someone else’s life for even just a minute, will take you out of whatever thought it is you are stuck in. It’s also quite likely that you will be left feeling pretty good knowing you’ve helped someone else.  Studies have actually linked helping others to lower levels of depression and overall greater life satisfaction. So get outside – help a friend, help a stranger – improve your mindset.

3. Deactivate the Ego

While your conscious minds may have you obsessing over the “what ifs””what could’ves” and “what will be’s” it is important to remember that all you have to focus on is the present. In these moments you need to find a way to bring yourself back to the present. This is where meditation comes into action.

Studies out of Harvard have shown that the area of your brain known as the “medial prefrontal cortex” is actually quieted during meditation. Interestingly enough this is a part of the brain that is always considered to be active during the times that we are focusing on thoughts related to self. So, if you find you are focusing too much on thoughts about yourself:

  1. STOP
  2. Set a timer for 5 minutes
  3. SIT (or lay)
  4. Bring your focus to your breath

The mind is a fascinating place, but when it gets to be too much learn to take a step back and evaluate. CHOOSE what thoughts you give weight to, and keep your best interests at heart.

How to Reset and Recharge

To Creating a Life That Actually Serves You

Are you feeling rundown? Overwhelmed? Lost in a sea of chaos? Maybe you can’t decide what item on your To-Do List you need to tackle first because it just never seems to get any shorter. It is time to unleash your best life, and to create your life by design. What lights you up? What doesn’t? It’s time to take away things that no longer serve you, and to feel your life rather than let it control you.

This week, I have broken it down into 5 simple steps. As always, the audio version of this post is available on iTunes, SoundCloud, and Google Play.

1. Let Go of the Fear

Overcommitting is a leading cause in burnout. Taking on too much because of the fear of missing out on something else is a recipe for bad results. Have you ever found yourself saying yes to something even though you know deep down you have little to no interest in doing whatever it is?

Look at your current commitments over the next few weeks and months. Ask yourself this:

  1. What am I most excited for?
  2. What are the things I wish I could get out of?
  3. Why am I obligated to do something I don’t even want to do?

*HINT HINT*

You are not obligated to do anything you don’t want to.

We all live in a constant state of fear when it comes to saying “No”. Fear of missing out, fear of judgement from others, fear of failure, fear of the unknown.

In these times of fear, it is important to really listen to and know yourself. Stay true to that feeling. It can be incredibly difficult, but the next time someone asks you to do something that you know you don’t want to do, say no, as hard as it may be, and the freedom you will feel will change your life.

Instead of having FOMO (fear of missing out), frame it as the joy of missing out. See this “No” as an opportunity to get to create something you actually want in this new found freedom. By freeing yourself from what you don’t want, you are making the opportunity to focus on that which you do want.

2. Define a Fresh Start

The majority of our ability to establish a new start and really reset our brains is all psychological. I encourage you to use language that gives you permission to start over. You don’t need a monday, a new year, the first of the month, or anything of that sort. You simply need to choose when you want to make a change and own it.

Tell yourself, “Today is the first day to start my new journey” and then get out there and make a move.

3. Learn to Reflect

Your life flows in seasons, and some are much easier than others I assure you.  While you may have a goal in mind for right now, you need to allow yourself grace to get there. Remember that Mt. Everest is not climbed in a day. The trek is taken piece by piece to camp after camp. The hikers acclimate to the new altitudes, they evaluate what is working and what is not, and they figure out their next move.

If you are facing a particularly difficult season right now, acknowledge it, accept it, and create a strategy to move through it.

4. Change Your Average

Clarity comes from your surroundings. If you are feeling misguided or confused, re-evaluate where, with who, and how you are spending your time. What is it that you want to be/feel/do/have in your life?

If you feel something is missing  – seek it out – find the people you need to get you where you want to be. Ask yourself the hard questions to determine what or who is no longer serving you.  Recognize your strengths and your potential, hold on to that and set your life on fire. If you believe you can, you will.

5. Create Conditions for Success

If your current approach to life isn’t work for you and you aren’t feeling accomplished or fulfilled consider asking yourself a couple hard questions:

  1. What is working for me? Why is it working?
  2. What isn’t working for me? Why isn’t it?

You always have a choice to design your life differently. Some people need BIG shifts to get out of ruts (the end of a relationship, a big move, a new job, etc.), but most people can just make small changes to create the ripple. Start with one habit you want to change, start to get comfortable and feel good about it, watch the accomplishment trickle into other habits of your life.

You are capable of creating your own success.